This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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