I think im going to throw up on grandma
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
