Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
