beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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