I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
