I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
