You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
