I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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