haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
