Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize