Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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