And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
