Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
