Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
