I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
