yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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