first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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