I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
