i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
