dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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