I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
