He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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