I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
