i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
