i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
