is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
