I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
