so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
