Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
