Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
