its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize