Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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