we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
