Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
