Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
