Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
