Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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