Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize