Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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