He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
