Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
