he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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