I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
