forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
