Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize