Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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