I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
