Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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