Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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