I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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