i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I did not marry a roomba.
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