hell yes lets make some ravioli
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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