i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
