Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
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