i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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