it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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