I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
