***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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