Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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