It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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