I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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