woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
