I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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